Mutants of the Caribbean: Gambit's Cut
by ajax41
Summary: Sequel to Rogue238's parody.  Remy wants to be Jack Sparrow and has to get the others to redo the play.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:** This is written with permission as a sequel to _Mutants of the Caribbean_ by Rogue238. I would recomend reading it so that you can understand some of the jokes and references, but also because it is a well done parody.

Candra's powers are based on her discription on the Uncanny X-men website. The information about alligators is from Wikipedia and www. animals.nationalgeographic. com

* * *

Remy sipped his coffee and gazed at the unusually peaceful mutants before him. He frowned slightly when he saw the white-striped brunette amongst them. There was a large alligator lying by his feet and he was flanked on either side by a stunning blonde. He glared at the blonde to his right. 

"Knock it off Rems, or I'll use my switchblade to give you a crew-cut."

"Ya hurt mon cherie."

"She ain't hurt none, she's just sleepin'."

"When you volunteered to get de others to de studio ya failed to mention dat you'd be releasing knock-out gas into de air ducts of de institute."

"Ya wanted our help getting over a dozen powerful mutants to go somewhere dey don' like and do something dey don' like doin'. How ya expect me to do dat wit'out knock-out gas? I'm an assassin not a miracle worker."

"Ya don' do not'in for free eider," Remy muttered under his breath. After Raven and Lightning(1) had coerced the X-men and Co. into performing "Mutants of the Caribbean" Julien had decided to stick around Bayville and annoy… er… 'kill' Remy. After a rather bizarre attempt involving a shower, a chicken, and a bucket of rice Remy had gotten fed up with the constant attempts on his life and called the man's sister to come get the loon. Belladonna had insisted that she needed to see the insanity of X-men movie productions for herself.

The gator lifted its head and both Cajuns tensed. The X-men were waking up. Bella drew her pistol. Remy palmed a card. The blonde to Remy's left rolled her eyes and calmly used her abilities to conceal them from the soon-to-be angry mutants.

"Like, where are we?" Kitty asked perkily, or as perkily as one can after being drugged and abducted.

"We're in the studio aren't we?" Scott groaned without opening his eyes, "we have to do another d#!# play."

The room was unnaturally silent as the mutants (and some non-mutants) waited tensely for the world to spin off its axis following the use of a swear word by Scott Summers. Even Wolverine looked scared. Sabretooth was naturally too stupid to catch on, but he remained silent because he had woken up with a mouthful of hardened cement. (A bored cajun thief is a mischievous cajun thief.)

"Well," Jean ventured cautiously with a wary eye on her boyfriend, "we might as well look for the scripts and see what we have to do this time."

"Ja," Kurt agreed and ported over to the table where they lay and passed them out.

"But these are the same scripts as last time," Amara protested.

"Da," Piotr agreed, "and the set is the same as well."

Remy grinned that had been a lucky break. Apparently Raven and Lightning had been too busy dodging the DPD to remove the ocean from the studio. Unfortunately, Forge had had time to remove his Incredible Animatronic Robots.(2)

"We have to do it again!?" several mutants shouted and Scott started twitching rapidly.(3)

"Oui, ya do!" Belle shouted gleefully, but no one noticed because Candra was still using her powers to conceal the three instigators. She had not, however, bothered to conceal the animal at their feet. Strangely, only Bobby had noticed it and was trying to get Wolverine's attention. So far all he had managed to do was stutter, "M… mmm… m.. mmr. .l.. ..lo…. Mmr. Loo… mmmrr. Lloo.."

Luckily for Bobby, at this point Jamie saw it too and piped up, "Mr. Logan is that a crocodile?"

Beast gave the animal a quick inspection and responded, "I'm afraid not my young friend. Although it is a fairly common blunder to confuse Reptilia Crocodylia Alligatoridae with Reptilia Crocodylia Crocodylide, not to mention Reptila Crocodylia Gavia…"

"It ain't a croc kid. It's a gator," Wolverine interrupted.

"Oh," Jamie said, although he still looked confused. So did everyone who had tried to follow Hank's explanation.

Wolverine rolled his eyes, "It's got a wide, round snout so it's a gator. Crocs have a pointier snout."

"Really?" Jamie asked looking at it more closely.

"Yup. That and ya can't see all a gator's bottom teeth," Wolverine was pleased. Usually everyone acted like he was just around to terrify them, but he had traveled quite a bit and been around for a long time. He did know things.

Bobby was petrified. "Even more teeth!" he managed to squeak in a voice pitched higher than Jean's falsetto soprano. Wolverine and Sabretooth both flinched. The alligator let out a slight growl and Bobby accidentally iced the part of the room that the X-men were sitting in. Some of his teammates gave him dirty looks because they were now freezing, but Bobby wasn't the only one backing away from the creature.

Wolverine stared at the reptile tensely and the gator tilted its head up in response. It exposed its throat to show that it meant no harm. Wolverine relaxed but Sabretooth didn't care if it was a threat. He was having a terrible day. He had been minding his own business, breaking into the mansion to steal Wolverine's underwear (what better way to start a fight?) and had suddenly felt dizzy, and then he had woken up with a mouthful of cement and now we was cold and wet. The gator was a gonner. He lunged for it.

Remy was horrified to see the slimy, long toothed, stinky, creature attacking his scaley friend. He leapt between the gator and the charging feral, discharging a card as he went. He heard Belle's pistol fire behind him. Sabretooth staggered and went down under the force of the explosion, along with the bullet which had hit his skull. Candra's powers had kept the exploding card concealed until it impacted with the vile mutant and no one had heard Belle's gun so the X-men were extremely confused. They had no idea what had just happened, especially since Sabretooth's body kept jerking and moving as though he was trying to get away from something.

Rogue narrowed her eyes. There was something awfully familiar about the sound of that explosion. "Hank," she drawled slowly, "what kind of gator is that?"

Hank blinked, "I believe it is an Alligator mississippiensis more commonly known as the American Alligator."

Rogue just nodded slightly, "Uh, huh these Alligator mississippiensis wouldn't happen to live in Louisiana now would they?"

"Why yes. As a matter of fact they do," Hank replied, catching on.

Rogue nodded again, "SWAMP RAT! Get your skinny behind out from wherever your hiding and explain what's goin' on!!!!!!!!"

Candra grinned in amusement and dropped the concealment to reveal herself and Belle still standing by the gator. Remy was hitting Sabretooth repeatedly with his bo-staff and shouting, "Don' you never try an' hurt Mr. Bitey(4) again! Never ever!" Unfortunately for Remy, Sabretooth could now see where the blows were coming from and fight back. Things quickly escalated until Mr. Bitey latched onto Sabretooth's leg and Belle muttered, "Atta boy Tooth," and jammed a dagger into Creed's shoulder. Wolverine intervened when Creed made another swipe at the gator. After all, it wasn't all that long ago that American Alligators were on the endangered species list. After the fight Remy turned to Belle and asked, "Tooth?" Belle grinned and replied, "I gave him a nickname."

Rogue glanced back and forth between the two Cajuns. "How do you know each other?" she asked, trying to sound nonchalant. She didn't care, really. Maybe if she kept thinking that she could convince everyone else?

Remy froze terrified of answering but Belle had no problems responding, "We used to be engaged but Remy got cold feet and hightailed it over de state line."

The X-men all took a step away from Rogue in fear but she just calmly continued her questioning. "Uh huh. And how do you two know each other?" she asked gesturing between Remy and Candra.

"Remy used to work for me and I owe him a favor," Candra replied pulling out a nail file. Now that the fighting was over this was starting to get dull. She had actually only agreed to this because she wanted to see Remy in a pirate costume. She had a fetish for pirates, and Cajuns, but mostly just red-on-black eyed Cajun's in pirate costumes,… or pajamas, or blue jeans, or nothing at all. (Not that he knew she'd seen him in all those things.)**  
**

"Uh huh," Rogue replied again, "and could one of you tell me why we're here?"

"We're, um, goin' to do _Mutants of de Caribbean_ 'gain for Belle," Remy finally managed to stammer.

"Why?" Jean was aghast. She did not want to relive her previous experiences with alcohol.

"'Cause Belle wants to be part of a X-men movie production and I owe her 'cause she got rid of Julien."

This announcement was followed by snickers, laughter, and a few angry mutters as the mutants remembered the crazy assassin's various attempts to kill the cajun thief.

"Just how do you plan on making us do this?" Wolverine asked.

"Candra," Remy replied simply. He was going to explain how powerful she was when he was suddenly interrupted by Wolverine falling to the ground. Candra had decided that a practical demonstration was in order.

The X-men watched in horror as Wolverine collapsed and began moaning in pain. Candra had used her powers to telekinetically alter his DNA and shut down his mutant powers. Without them he could not stand up under the weight of the admantium in his bones and without his healing factor the metal began to poison him.

"Candra stop!" Remy cried and she merely shrugged but restored Wolverine's abilities. Everyone looked at her wide-eyed. "You'll do the play," she said. They nodded.

"Here," Remy said brandishing a paper before tacking it to a wall, "dere's de cast list." Everyone crowded around the paper to read it.

Jack Sparrow-Gambit

Elizabeth Swann-Rogue

Captain Norrington-Cyclops

Captain Barbossa-Pyro

Govenor Swan-Magneto

Annamaria-Belladonna

Guy hanging from his heels-Sabretooth

Mr. Gibbs-Wolverine

Prisoner with bone-Marrow

Scarlet-Scarlet Witch

Giselle-Jubilee

Estrelle-Shadowcat

Murtogg-Iceman

Mallroy-Lapin

Regetti-Toad

Pintel-Cannonball

Jacoby-Boom Boom

Koehler-Storm

Bo' San-Sabretooth

Gillatte-Pietro

Officer-Pietro

Cotton-Piotr

"Iffin I forgot to cast a roll we can figure it out as we go," Remy announced happily.

"Ya forgot to cast Will Turner," Rogue pointed out.

"Oops," Remy said as innocently as he could, "guess dis Cajun jus' forgot 'bout him."

Rogue arched an eyebrow, "You were Will Turner last time. How could you forget about him?"

"Don' know."

"Uh huh. So who's gonna play him this time?"

"We don' need him. We kin do the play wit'out his character."

"Right…" Rogue drawled, trying to hide a smirk, "he's the main character and the hero of the story, but we don't need him." She was trying not to laugh. Or gloat. Remy obviously wanted to be the pirate but didn't want anyone else playing her romantic interest.

"Dat's right," Remy agreed eagerly and Belle and Kitty were giggling. They could see through him just as easily as Rogue.

"Uh huh," Rogue said again, causing the X-men to wonder what had become of her vocabulary, "I think I'll go call Cody and see if he'll play Will." At this Belle began to laugh unrestrainedly. She loved to see Remy put in his place.

Remy was horrified, "Mais cherie, we don' need 'im. Jack Sparrow's de real hero of de story!"

This caused the two southern X-men to launch into an argument that everyone else missed because at that moment two large stacks of pizzas walked in the door. It really had looked like the two stacks of pizzas were walking because there were so many of them that all you could see of the people carrying them were their legs. Blob cried, "Food!" in a voice that shook the room and ran for the pizzas. One of the stacks of pizzas seemed to launch itself at him as the sloppily dressed red-headed boy carrying them tossed them at the stampeding giant, and dove for safety. The other stack was promptly dropped to the floor as a nine-year-old girl with pink hair and bones poking out of her skin stepped around them and broke off two of the bone spurs from her back and held them like weapons, obviously intending to protect her hoard from the obese teenager. "Remy!" she screamed, "he's trying to take the pizzas!"

Remy, having just lost his argument with Rogue turned his attention to his small friend and smiled. It was a genuine smile too, not a smirk or his usual smug grin. The people who knew him well enough to tell the difference did a double take. "Dat's allright petite, so long as ya got yours we'll let everyone else fight over dem." Remy grabbed a box containing a large pepperoni pizza and placed the girl on his hip. As if on cue the other mutants ran to claim pizzas before Freddy could get to them. "Who's the pipsqueak?" Wolverine asked as walked over with three of his own pizzas, no one was dumb enough to ask him to share." "I aint a pipsqueak," she muttered around a mouthful of pizza and glared at the older feral. Remy grinned, "Dis here be Sarah, mais she like to be called Marrow." "And I'm Lapin," the sloppily dressed red-head added as he snagged a slice from Wolverine's box, earning him a growl. Lapin swallowed hard as he retracted his hand. Obviously he wasn't going to receive a handshake from this man.

At this point Rogue snapped her cell shut and announced to the room in general that Cody would be there in an hour. Remy scowled at this news, so Marrow glared at Rogue for upsetting her best friend and all the mutants settled back to wait.

* * *

(1) Raven and Lightning are OCs from Rogue238's fics. To learn who Raven and Lightning are read the parodies written by Rogue238. 

(2) To learn about the DPD and Forge's Incredible Animatronic Robots read the parodies written by Rogue238.

(3) To learn about Scott Summer's fear of synchronized sentences read the parodies written by Rogue238.

(4) Mr. Bitey is what a co-worker of mine named the rubber snake that has been randomely turning up in different places in our workplace for longer than I've been an employee. I don't think anyone even remembers who originally owned it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:** If you want to know why Evan is in a full body cast you'll have to read _Mutants of the Caribbean_ by Rogue238. If you want to know why Evan and Xavier are not in this production, it's because I don't like Xavier and Evan can't do anything in a full body cast.

* * *

By the time Cody arrived to begin _Mutants of the Caribbean_ things were in chaos. Rogue and Belle had gotten into a competition to see who could knock people out the fastest. Remy wasn't sure how they had gotten into this particular competition but he didn't think he wanted to know, as the answer was likely to disturb him, so he just stayed in his hiding place and hoped the two girls wouldn't notice him. So far Belle had managed to take down Boom Boom, Scarlet Witch, Magma, and Sunspot. Rogue had taken down Cannonball, Berserker, Jubilee, and Beast. They were currently both after Mystique. Belle had deemed her more of a challenge and Rogue just wanted an excuse to hurt her. Storm was trying to revive the fallen mutants, having privately decided to wait for Mystique to fall before stopping the girls. She comforted herself with the fact that Evan was safely back at the mansion with the professor. Neither of whom had been brought to the studio. Unbeknownst to Storm, Evan (still in the full body cast) was mentally pleading with the professor to feed him and the professor was pretending not to hear him while playing a video game. Candra was off making out with Magneto in a corner. They had bonded over how much fun it is to torture non-mutants and congratulating each other on how superior they were to everyone else. Pietro was lying on the ground in fetal position, rocking and mentally begging Jean to remove the image of his father sticking his hand up Candra's shirt from his head. Jean was busy trying to calm down her boyfriend, who was in hysterics because Freddy was teaching Jamie, Kurt, Toad, and Leech the theme song to _The Addams Family_ causing them all to sing in unison over and over again. Pyro had been plotting with Marrow and X-23 to defend the world from invading squirrels until Wolverine came over grabbed the girls and proceeded to explain to them that they should never listen to St. John about anything. Unfortunately, X-23 pointed out that the Weapon X program had done stranger things and Wolverine reluctantly agreed to hear Pyro out, although he was a far more cynical listener than the two girls. Sabretooth was attempting to scrape the concrete out of his mouth with his claws. Bobby was perched atop an ice structure as far away from Mr. Bitey as he could manage. Lance and Piotr were sulking because they were unable to tear Kitty's attention from Lapin who was teaching her the finer points of hacking into the Pentagon's top security files. Amanda was teaching Rahne and Danielle Moonstar how to braid their hair in complicated ways.

Cody almost backed out of the studio to run home, but Remy had spotted him and dropped out of his hiding place. "Good you're here, we kin start now," he said from behind Cody, who whirled around in fright. Remy repressed a snicker as the shorter boy stared wide-eyed into his demon eyes. Cody stammered, "Yes sir," as he continued to stare at the powerful mutant whom he knew was in love with the girl that had been his first kiss.

Rogue turned her attention away from Belle to shout, "Remy stop scarin' Cody or I'll beat ya!" The two girls had been glaring at each other over Mystique's prone body. Neither was the clear victor because Rogue managed to catch the shape shifter with a bare hand just as Belle hit her upside the head with an admantium club.

Lapin closed his laptop and grabbed a bull horn, "Places everyone!" he shouted to no avail. He sat down in one of the director's chairs anyway. Candra shoved Magneto off of her, straightened her clothes, sat down in another, and ordered Amara to bring her a cappuccino. The recently revived Amara stared at her a moment in disbelief before remembering what the woman had done to Wolverine and hurried to comply. Remy grabbed the bullhorn from Lapin, shouted for everyone to get into costume, and then handed the bullhorn to Candra. Candra grinned, activated her cloaking abilities, and slunk towards the men's changing room. Scott mysteriously tripped and couldn't get up until the others were ready. Remy might have noticed her disappearance if Rogue hadn't been pointing out that it was only the beginning of the first scene and he had already forgotten to cast two vital characters.

Remy called Marrow and Leech over and easily convinced them to be the young Elizabeth Swan and the young Will Turner. Rogue tried to protest that they were too young for the parts but Remy dismissed her point as unimportant. Belle backed him up and said that the younger kids, unlike the older ones, would enjoy playing make-believe. Rogue stormed off to her dressing room, angry that Remy and Belle were ganging up on her.

While Rogue spent as long as possible in her dressing room Kitty helped Lapin connect everything electrical like cameras and lights to his computer using some special devices that he had created. They didn't have Raven to operate everything and weren't about to ask Candra so Lapin was in charge of anything technical.

Finally, everyone was ready to begin. Candra shouted for them to take their places and the did. They didn't have extras so Lapin used his computer to merge images from the real movie with those of the one he was filming. Danielle used her abilities to cause a massive illusion that included the extras so no one would accidentally step on them. Remy smiled at the fair-haired weather witch standing off to the side, "Stormy, could you give us some fog?"

"Do not call me Stormy," she said coldly before her eyes clouded over.

A ship, the HMS Dauntless, emerged from the fog. As it floats closer a lone girl, Sarah, standing at the bow rail, quietly singing, "Yo ho, yo ho, A pirate's life for me. . ." becomes visible. A hand grasps her shoulder. She gasps and turns to look at the man behind her and punches him. Logan yelped an jumped back. "What do you think you're doin' pipsqueak?"

"Don't touch me, old man," Sarah growled at him in response and Remy dropped his head into his hands. Rogue and Belle were laughing softly beside him. He motioned for them to continue. Maybe Lapin could edit that part out.

"Quiet, missy! Cursed pirates sail these waters. You want to call 'em down on us, bub?" Logan ground out.

"Mr. Howlett," Scott Summers harshly imposed himself on the conversation, wearing the naval uniform of a British Officer. Beside him, Magneto strolls up, impressively attired. "That will do."

"She was singing about pirates. Bad luck to sing about pirates, with us mired in this unnatural fog, mark my words," Logan replied, aggravated.

"Consider them marked," Scott said, making sure not to enjoy ordering Wolverine too much. There would be danger room torture for it once he got back to the institute. "On your way."

Logan dully replied Aye, Lieutenant," and headed on his way. "Bad luck to have a woman on board too," he muttered as he passed by. "Even a miniature one." He ducked the bone spur thrown at him by an irate Sarah and went back to swabbing the deck. He took a sip from his flask and was pleased to discover that it contained good, strong whiskey. He quickly decided that having 'Gumbo' for a director wasn't _so_ awful.

Sarah looked up at Scott and told him, "I think it would be rather exciting to meet a pirate."

Scott looked at her smugly and replied, "Think again, Miss Swann. Vile and dissolute creatures, the lot of them. I intend to see to it that any man who sails under a pirate flag, or wears a pirate brand, gets what he deserves: a short drop and a sudden stop." Rogue had grabbed him before he went on and made sure he knew, on no uncertain terms, what she would do to him if he referred to her character as Miss Lensherr.

Sarah frowned in confusion and looked toward Remy who pointed at Logan and she watched as Logan mimed the action of a man being hung. Erik spoke up. "Lieutenant Summers, I appreciate your fervor, but I am concerned about the effect this subject will have on my daughter."

"My apologies, Governor," Scott said stiffly and headed back to his duties. He refused to bow to Magneto.

"Actually, I find it all fascinating," Sarah said.

"And that is what concerns me," Erik replied.

Sarah sighed. She turned sadly back to the bow rail. Out of no where, a lost parasol floated by. She, smiled and watched it float along the boat until it reached a drifting board. On the board lay a little boy, unconscious. "Look! A boy!" she cried, "There's a boy in the water!"

Scott and Erik rushed to the edge and looked over. "Man overboard!" Scott shouted. "Man the ropes! Fetch a hook! Haul him aboard!"

At this point Remy had planned to ask Mystique to transform into a sailor and haul Leech out but she was still unconscious so Sam hurried on in a blue jacket to do the physical labor that computer graphics can't. Scott leaned over Dorian. "He's still breathing."

Logan looked out across the water and exclaimed, "Mary, Mother of God!"

This caused Sarah to look and try to see what he was talking about. The crew rushed to the edge of the boat and looked out to see a burning ship, broken in two.

Erik cried, "What happened here?," in shock.

"Most likely the powder magazine," Scott answered, "Merchant vessels run heavily armed."

"A lot of good it did them," Logan said. When Scott looked at him in disproval, he continued, "Everyone's thinking it. I'm just saying it, bub. Pirates."

Scoffing, Xavier said, "There's no proof of that. It's probably an accident."

"Rouse the Captain immediately," Scott ordered, "Heave to and take in sail. Launch the boats."

The crew got to work. Sam picked up Dorian, the unconscious boy, and carried him off. Erik looked at Sarah. "Anna, I want you to accompany the boy. He'll be in your charge. Take care of him."

Sarah nodded and followed Sam. Lapin and Danielle added a life boat full of sailors going out to check for more survivors. Sarah watched the boy and gently stroked his hair. He gasps and grabs her arm. "It's okay," she told him. "My name's Anna Swann."

"Cody Robbins," Dorian stuttered.

"I'm watching over you, Cody," Sarah said gently, thinking of her friend Remy, who had found her living behind a dumpster and taken care of her. Dorian pretended to fall back into unconsciousness. She noticed a chain around his neck and checked it out. The pendent is huge, gold and has a skull in the middle. She gasped, "You're a pirate!"

Scott came up behind her just then and asked, "Has he said anything?"

She quickly hid the necklace behind her. "His name's Cody Robbins. That's all I found out," she lied.

"Take him below," Scott ordered Danielle's illusions.

Sarah stood at the bow rail again, and checked to make sure no one was looking. Then she inspected the medallion again. It glimmered in the dull sunlight. A ship, with black, ragged sails caught her attention. The top sail displayed a skull with two crossed swords. Sarah's eyes grew big and then she closed them tight.

Rogue's eyes opened. She lay in bed wearing a modest nightgown.

Rogue stares at an old lamp with an open flame.

"Pyro was disappointed to realize that the flame was not real. Wanda had reminded Remy to be prepared for St. John's obsession and the flame was merely a graphic/illusion.

Rogue got out of the bed. She opened a drawer and pulled out everything inside of it. She raised the false bottom of the drawer to reveal the medallion. It lay surrounded by dust. Rogue removed it and a clean space remained where it once lay. She closed the drawer and caressed the medallion before she put it on.

Someone knocked on the door. Rogue all but panicked and rushed to put on a robe. Erik's sounded, "Anna? Are you all right? Are you decent?"

"Yeah," she called, slightly out of breath. She hid the pendant in the top of her nightgown. "Yes."

Erik strode in, followed by Kitty. "Still abed at this hour?" Rogue sneered at him. "It's a beautiful day," he added. Kitty opened the drapes and window. "I have a gift for you."

Erik opened the box that Kitty had set down to open the drapes and revealed an ornate dress. Rogue reached in and grabbed it, "I ain't wearing this thing again."

"Please cherie?" Remy pleaded with his best puppy-dog eyes.

Rogue hesitated a moment before scowling, "No." She said firmly.

"I'd wear it," Belle piped up, but Rogue refused to fall for such an obvious trick.

"That's because you obviously have no taste," she informed the blonde.

Remy grabbed Belle before she could run onto the set and attack Rogue.

"Like, stop being such a pain, Rogue!" Kitty shouted, "you're my best friend but you can be so stupid sometimes. The longer you refuse to put the dress on the longer we have to be here."

"Ja," Kurt agreed, "and the longer this scene goes the longer we have to wait for another food break."

"I ain't wearing the dress," Rogue was nothing if not stubborn.

"Put it on," Candra ordered, bored with the argument. If they didn't get to the next scene she would never see Remy in a pirate costume.

"Why should I?" Rogue challenged. They still didn't know what had caused Wolverine to fall to the ground moaning in pain like that and she wasn't convinced that the woman could actually do anything to force her to wear the dress.

"Because if you don't I will rip that nightgown off you right where you stand and you can just find something else to put on in front of everyone," Candra replied with complete calm.

"Yeah right," Rogue snorted. Then she screamed as her skirt disappeared and dove for the cover of the partition. Kitty hurriedly followed with the dress and a pair of gloves. She needed to be able to touch Rogue to put it on her. Candra had ripped the skirt apart telekinetically in an instant into such small pieces that it seemed like it had simply turned to dust. Luckily, she had left Rogue's underwear intact but Rogue and several other cast members decided that they would be wearing their uniforms under all of their costumes from then on. Belle reached over and gently shut Remy's jaw for him. Despite the fact that Rogue had moved so quickly no one really saw anything, he had been stunned.

"It's beautiful," Candra prompted.

"It's beautiful," Rogue growled from behind the partition.

"Isn't it?" Erik said.

"May Ah inquire as ta the occasion?"

"Does a father need an occasion to dote upon his daughter?" Erik replied and then cleared his throat and jumped straight into his next lines. "Actually, I… I hoped you might wear it for the ceremony today."

"The ceremony?" Rogue asked.

"Captain Summer's promotion ceremony."

"Ah knew it," Rogue said. She poked her head out and back in.

"Commodore Summers, as he's about to become," stated Erik. "A fine gentleman, don't you think. He fancies you, you know."

Kitty pulled the strings on the corset and Rogue pretended to gasp for air because Kitty hadn't actually pulled them very tightly this time.

"Anna? How's it coming?" Erik asked, impatiently.

"It's difficult ta say," she replied.

"I'm told it's the latest fashion in London," he said.

"Well, women in London musta learned not ta breath."

Ray walked in and said, "Milord, you have a visitor."

Cody has been waiting downstairs. He looks out of place in well kept but plain clothes, and he held a long black box. He was rather nervous. He attempted to examine a candelabra but a piece fell off. He did not know how to reattach it so he hid it in the umbrella holder.

Erik descended the stairs. "Mr. Robbins," Erik said when he reached the landing. "Good to see you again."

"Good day, sir," Cody said and smiled nervously, remembering that the man in front of him would just as soon kill him as look at him. He set the box on the table and opened it. It contained a rather beautiful sword that everyone presumed was made of cardboard and tinfoil, but Belle had replaced all of the fake weapons with real ones. "I have your order." He lifted it out and handed it to Magneto, who could sense that is was real.

"Well," Erik exclaimed and examined it as if he actually knew what to look for.

"The blade is folded steel," Cody explained, although this particular sword was actually one of Belle's favorites and made out of admantium. As if she would use anything as weak as steel. "That's gold filigree laid into the handle." He gestured for Erik to hand it back. "If I may." And Erik handed it back, lips curling slightly at the corners. Cody balanced it on two fingers. "Perfectly balanced. The tang is nearly the full width of the blade." He didn't quite manage to sound like he knew what he was talking about. He flipped it into the air and attempted to catch it gracefully. He would have cut his hand off had Magneto not taken pity on him for some reason and controlled the blade's descent. Cody still managed to slice his hand open during the bow.

"Impressive. Very impressive," Erik stated, as he took the blade back before there were anymore accidents. "Now, now. Commodore Summers is going to be very pleased with this." He sheathed the sword and handed it to Cody to be placed in the box. "Do pass my compliments on to your master."

Cody was busy hiding his bleeding palm but quickly remembered to smile. "I shall. A craftsman is always pleased to hear his work is appreciated."

Both the men turned their heads in time to see Rogue coming down the stairs. She is wearing the dress.

Erik commented, "Anna, you look absolutely stunning," but the complement sounds a touch too insincere to be paternal.

She climbs down the stairs, trying to feel as excited by the look on the face of her former crush as she had when Remy was playing the part. "Cody. It's so good ta see ya. Ah had a dream about ya last night."

Shocked, Cody asks, "About me?"

"Yes," Erik says in a disapprovingly, "is that entirely proper for you. . ."

Rogue however cuts him off. "About the day we met. Do ya remembeh?" she asks conspiratorially.

"How could I forget, Miss Swann?" Cody says, thinking about how she had shoved him in a mud puddle the first time they met.

"Cody, how many times must Ah ask ya ta call me Anna?"

Cody is uncomfortable with the position she is putting him in. "At least once more, Miss Swann, as always."

Erik approved the statement, "There, see? At least the boy has a sense of propriety. Now, we really must be going. There you are." He picked up the sword.

Rogue assumed a 'proper' attitude and said somewhat coldly, "Good day, Mr. Robbins."

"Come along," Erik ordered and everyone followed him out the door.

"Good day," Cody called after her, only to add, "Anna," in a voice no one will hear.

Rogue looked back for a moment as the carriage pulled out of the driveway. Cody continued to watch the carriage as it drove off.

"Scene!" Remy called and Hank hurried on set to tend to Cody's hand. "Belle did ya replace all de weapons wit' real ones?"

"Yup," she crowed.

"Merde," Remy groaned, "Remy betta send Piotr and Lance to get supplies for an on-site infirmary. Gotta feelin' we'll need it and dey coul' use somet'ing to do."


	3. Chapter 3

Remy posed heroically atop a ship's mast in full pirate attire with the wind at his back. It blew strands of his silky auburn hair loose from his short ponytail and caused them to gently caress his face. Storm laughed quietly as she saw the results of her careful manipulations; namely, the glazed over look in Rogue's eyes. At this point Remy pretended to notice that his ship was filling with ocean brine for the first time and jumped to the deck, graceful as a cat, just barely disturbing the surface of the water. He fumbled with the submerged contents of the ship a few moments before he retrieved a pail. He placed his hat on his head and made a couple half-hearted attempts to bail out the boat, but quickly gave it up as pointless. He swayed slightly because his balance was compromised by the rolling ocean (or possibly the whiskey he and Logan had consumed before they began the scene). Then he spotted three skeletons hanging from a strange stone structure with a sign near them reading, "Pirates, ye be warned." He couldn't help but notice that they looked rather realistic and decided against asking Belle where she got them. (They were actually fake models that Beast had helped Lance create for a school project to demonstrate the different stages of deterioration of a human corpse. Lance had still failed because the teacher had fainted at the sight of them before he could explain the scientific intricacies that Beast had drummed into his head. Remy had no way of knowing this so we'll just have to forgive him for assuming the worst of poor Belle.) Remy removed his hat and placed it over his heart respectfully as he mused over the similarities between thieves and pirates.

After a quick salute to the fallen, Remy returned to his gallant pose atop the mast just in time to sail into a busy port. Plenty of sailors and merchants, provided by Lapin and Danielle, turned to look at him as he approached the dock. He was apparently only riding a bit of mast, protruding vertically from the ocean, as even the sail sank out of view. With one large step he left his 'ship' and strode down the dock confidently, as though he had meant to do that all along.

Jean was on the dock, dressed in breeches with her long, flaming red hair tucked up under a cap. "Wha… uh…" she gasped before crying, "Hey! Hold up there, you!" Remy stopped and spun back to face her. Jean and Warren walked over to him. "It's a shilling to tie up your boat at the dock," she stated, indignant in a way that only she could be. Remy looked at her uncertainly for a moment before they both turned to look at the sunken vessel. "And I shall need to know your name," Jean added, ignoring the obvious situation because rules were rules.

Remy dug in his pockets and pulled out three coins. "What do you say to three shillings, and we forget the name?"

Warren's eyes widened and Jean bit her lip, appearing to think for a second but was actually just steeling herself as she was about to break a rule. Then she shut the book, trapping the coins within, and smiled faintly. "Welcome to Port Royal, Mr. Smith," she managed to get out.

Remy, continued on his way. Jean and Warren turned their attention to the rest of the dock. Remy stole the rest of the coins from Jean's desk with an obvious shake of the bag, to make sure that everyone knew that he took it. He managed to retrieve the three shillings and all of the cash in Jean's pocket before continuing on his way, but somehow both the telepath and the camera missed it. Actually, the only one to notice was Lapin.

Scott's promotion ceremony has begun. Several 'soldiers' march in a choreographed procession before dividing to form an aisle for Scott with their swords raised in a salute. Somehow no one noticed that Rogue was neither in her dress nor amongst the spectators of the ceremony. Scott strutted down the aisle and when Magneto presented him with his fancy sword, he proceeded to try to show off as he did before. He succeeded in removing the tails of his blue naval coat and the back of his britches, exposing the Tweety bird boxers that Jean had given him for Valentine's day. Scott seemed intent to ignore his predicament until all of the X-men succumbed to laughter at the exact same moment, sending him running towards the men's dressing room wailing at the top of his lungs. Lapin mentally added that to the long list of things he would need to edit later and gestured to Kitty to take over his computer so that he could take his place on stage.

Remy appeared and began prowling down a dock. Lapin and Bobby caught sight of him and rushed to stop him.

"This dock is off limits to civilians," Bobby stated.

"Terribly sorry, ,homme. Didn' know," Remy said and then added, "If I see one, I shall inform you immediately," in his best snooty British accent. He then tried to manuver around them but failed. So Remy turned on the charm, "There's some sorta high-toned and fancy to-do up at the fort, ay? How could it be two fine hommes such as yourselves didin' merit an invite."

Bobby ignored the implied insult and responded, "Someone has to make sure this dock stays off limits to civilians."

"It's a fine goal, to be sure." Remy started walking in the other direction to confuse them, "but it seems to me, dat a ship like dat," he gestured to the Dauntless. "makes dis one here a bit superfluous, really."

"Just say 'more than necessary or not essential,'" Pyro screamed from off stage. Everyone ignored the interruption because they just wanted to get things over with.

Bobby nodded, "The Dauntless is the power in these waters, true enough, but there's no ship as can match the Interceptor for speed."

Remy pretended to think. "Heard of one. It's supposed to be very fast, nigh uncatchable: de Black Pearl."

Bobby smiled, but Lapin started to laugh. "Well, dere's no _real_ ship dat can match de Interceptor."

Bobby looks at him, stupidly. "Black Pearl is a real ship."

Lapin looked at him a moment and then back at Gambit, "Non. No, it's not."

Bobby, still looking at Lapin says, "Yes, it is. I've seen it."

Lapin looks back at him. "You've seen it?"

"Yes."

"Ya haven't seen it."

"Yes, I have," Bobby insists.

Remy glanced back and forth between the two, judging how distracted they were. Lapin questioned Bobby further, "You seen a ship wit' black sails dat's crewed by de damned and captained by a man so evil dat Hell itself spat him back out?"

"No," Bobby says.

"Non," Lapin repeated, satisfied.

"But I have seen a ship with black sails," Bobby said, grinning because he loved to drive people batty. It was the reason he had become the mansion prankster.

"Oh," Lapin said, turning back to Bobby, "and no ship dat's not crewed by de damned and captained by a man so evil dat hell itself spat him back out could possibly have black sails, therefore couldn't possibly be any other ship dan de Black Pearl. Is dat what you're sayin'?"

Remy had disappeared from the two naval officers' sides.

Bobby nodded and grinned, despite loosing the argument, "No."

"Like I said, dere's no _real _ship dat can match de Interceptor," Lapin turned to gloat to Remy but Remy was at the helm of the Interceptor.

"Hey! You!" they shouted and Scott caved and started sucking on one of the 'pills' that Remy had given him earlier. He was mildly comforted and was pleasantly surprised that it didn't taste vile, but rather refreshingly minty, with just a hint of cayenne pepper.

"Get away from there!" Bobby ordered.

"You don' have permission to be dere!" Lapin added and then snickered as he thought about all of the places that he and his cousin had entered without permission.

"Sorry. It's jus' such a pretty boat. . . ship."

"What's your name?" Bobby asked.

"Smith, or Smithy, if ya like," answered Remy.

"What's your purpose in Port Royal, Mr. Smith?" Lapin said, pointing his gun at Remy.

"Yeah, and no lies!" Bobby exclaimed.

"Well, den, I confess," Remy said pleasantly. "It is my intention to commandeer one of dese ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga, raid, pillage, and plunder, and otherwise pilfer my weaselly black guts out."

"I said no lies," Bobby blinked in disbelief.

"I dink he's telling de truth," Lapin said.

"If he were telling the truth, he wouldn't have told us," argued Bobby.

Gambit smirked, "unless, of course, he knew you wouldn't believe de truth even if he told it to ya." Lapin looked at him incredulously.

Meanwhile, Scott has managed to replace his damaged wardrobe and return to the stage. Danielle's illusion filled the area with people mingling and music played in the background. Lapin ran off stage to show Kitty how to add dummy people into the film, only to discover she had already done it. (The details would be added later.) He rushed back on stage, quietly cursing his cousin for putting him in charge of everything technical AND giving him a speaking role.

Scott approached Rogue, "May I have a moment? Rogue followed him to a parapet. She supported herself against a bell arch as she struggled to breathe. Tabitha was a lot more vindictive than Kitty and had tied the corset so tightly that Rogue was rapidly turning blue. "You look lovely, Anna," Scott spat out as quickly as possible, noticing her predicament. Rogue nodded and fanned herself desperately.

Scott continued to impersonate Pietro while pretending to be oblivious to her discomfort, "IapologizeifI seemforward, butImustspeakmymind." He took a deep breath and continued, "Thispromotionthrowsinto sharpreliefthatwhichIhavenotyetachieved: Amarriagetoafinewoman," he gave here a look of intensity. Rogue was trying not to pass out. "Youhavebecomeafinewoman,Anna." Jean was too busy gloating over having been given a decent part to notice her boyfriend hitting on another girl and Belladonna deviously distracted Remy by telling him that she thought Mr. Bitey might be ill.

Rogue looked at him and then at the ocean, wondering if she would sprout gills if she absorbed a fish. "Ah can't breathe," she mouthed because she didn't have enough air to say it aloud.

"Yes, I'mabitnervous, myself," Scott finished their conversation just as she lost consciousness.

Rogue had finally fainted. She fell from the parapet and her hat blew off in the wind. Jubilee grabbed Jean by the elbows and spun her to face the stage. Jean managed to catch Rogue just before she hit one of the rocks. Then she lay the unconscious girl on the water and the slender figure floated for a moment before the dress took on enough moisture to sink the body it contained.

Remy was back in the boat talking to Bobby and Lapin. "…and den dey made me their chief," he said, not noticing Rogue's near demise. Belle rolled her eyes and tossed a large rock in the water to get the boys attention.

They turned their heads towards the source of the noise when they heard the splash. Scott glanced around in apparent confusion, "Anna?" Then, he looked down and cried, "Anna!" He prepared to dive in after her.

Pietro ran up to him and held him back, shouting, "The rocks!" Although her really wouldn't mind seeing Summers flatten himself trying to jump into the sea. "Sir, it's a miracle she missed them," he added.

Rogue sank further into the water, Remy, Bobby, and Lapin, watched her. Remy, impatient to make sure she was safe, did his own Pietro impression, "Willyabesavingher,den?"

"I can't swim," Lapin lied.

Remy looked at Bobby, who indicated the negative. "PrideofdeKing'sNavy, yaare." He already had his jacket, sword, gun and holster, and his hat off by this time and he threw them to Bobby and Lapin. "Do not lose dese." Then, he jumped in.

Rogue hit the bottom of the shallow waters. The medallion escaped her dress and a strange pulse originating from the necklace caused a strange ripple to emerge and spread through the water concentrically.

Bobby looked to Lapin in confusion, "What was that?"

Lapin shook his head. The wind changed abruptly, with a little help from Storm.

Remy reached Rogue and pulled her to the surface. He managed a quick breath, before sinking due to the weight of his burden. He quickly disposed of the dress and resurfaced.

Lapin helped Remy pull her onto the dock, "She's not breathin'!"

"Move," Gambit ordered, knocking Bobby and Lapin out of the way in his haste to get to her. He sliced through her corset rapidly with the knife Belle gave him for his twelfth birthday. He had a moment to reflect that he knew he'd love this role before realizing that Rogue had not started breathing on her own. He planted his lips against hers and forced air into her lungs, drawing back just in time to stop her powers from draining him. The slightly dazed look on his face would indicate otherwise but was really the result of his getting to touch Rogue's lips with his own.

Remy had tossed the corset into Bobby's hands.

Lapin looked at Rogue in false admiration, "I never would've thought of that. . ." he lied and resisted the urge to wink at Kitty. He didn't think she'd appreciate it and he didn't want to spend the rest of his time among the X-men dodging attacks from Lance and Piotr.

"Clearly, you've never been ta Singapore. . ." Remy stated and tried not to grin as he thought of all the time the two of them had spent in Singapore together, not to mention Amsterdam and Madripoor. He looked at Rogue's necklace and picked it up, "Where did you get dat?"

Just then Scott, Pietro, and Magneto appeared. Scott ordered, "On your feet!" The brand new sword was directed towards Remy's face. Danielle and Kitty added soldiers with bayonets pointed in Remy's direction.

He stood and Eric approached Rogue, "Anna!" He helped her up, only to have her thrust him away, violently. "Are you alright?" he asked, ignoring the slight. "Yeah, Ah'm fine," she answered, distracted by the sight of Remy's wet pirate costume plastered to his body. He would have been similarly distracted if he couldn't see her X-men uniform peeking out from under her waterlogged old fashioned underwear, giving her a somewhat comical appearance.

Eric covered her with his coat, and glared at Bobby, who was still holding the ruined corset. Bobby quickly noticed the attention focused on him and hid it behind his back. He childishly pointed at Remy. Magneto glared at the master thief. "Shoot him!" he ordered.

"Papa!" Rogue exclaimed, "commodore, do ya really intend ta kill my rescueh?" she added. Scott glanced between Rogue and Eric and nodded stiffly. The swords went down. Remy dramatically gestured his thanks to Rogue.

"I believe thanks are in order," Scott said with distaste.

Remy warily shook Scott's hand. Scott pushed up his sleeve. On Remy's arm is a tattoo of the jack of hearts and a brand shaped like a P.

Scott looked at the P. "Had a brush with the East India Company, did we, pirate?" Remy's poker face let nothing show.

"Hang him," Erik ordered in a bored tone.

"Keep your guns on him, men. Maximoff, fetch some irons." Scott than recognized the tattoo. "Well, well. Remy LeBeau, isn't it?"

"_Captain_ Remy Leabeau, if ya please, monsieur." Remy corrected.

"Well," Scott said arrogantly, "I don't see your ship, Captain."

"'m in the market, as it were," Remy replied.

"He said he'd come to commandeer one," Bobby added.

Lapin added his two cents worth, "Told you he was telling the truth." He turned to Scott. "Dese are his, homme." He bent down and picked up all of the equipment Remy had removed before jumping into the water.

Scott examined the gun, "No additional shot nor powder." Then he picked up a compass. "A compass that doesn't point North. . ." He pulled a sword whose shine has not dulled with time, "and I half expected it to be made of wood." Remy smirked, knowing perfectly well that no weapon of Belladonna's would ever fall into disrepair and that particular sword had been in her family for five generations. "You are without doubt the worst pirate I've ever heard of."

Remy held up two fingers. "But you _have_ heard of me."

Scott lost his patience and drug him over to Pietro to be shackled.

Rogue's eyes widened in horror and she followed them, "Commodore, Ah really must protest! Pirate or not," she argued, "this man saved my life!"

"One good deed is not enough to redeem a man of a lifetime of wickedness." Scott explained.

"Though it seems enough ta condemn him," Remy replied bitterly.

"Indeed," Scott spat.

Pietro finished securing the shackles around Remy's wrists. Rogue has her back to Remy and is facing Scott. "Finally," he stated with exasperation. He looped the chain around Rogue's neck and drew her to him, holding her closer than was strictly necessary. She gasped but didn't try to get away.

"No," Eric stated mildly, "no, don't shoot."

"I knew ya'd warm up ta me," Remy told him. "Commodore Summers, my effects, please. And my hat," he added trying to throw in an Indiana Jones' vibe. Scott stood and stared at the two southern mutants in horror.

"Commodore," Remy pressed. Glaring angrily, Scott turned to Lapin and grabbed the pile. The soldiers lowered their bayonets. "It is Anna, is it?" Remy asked Rogue.

"It's Miss Swann," she growled, but couldn't suppress the flicker of joy in her eyes when she heard Gambit say her name.

"Miss Swann, if ya would be so kind," Remy asked with a sly smile. "Come, come, cherie. We don' have all day."

She took the stuff, and he grabbed the pistol and pointed it at her head, careful to keep his finger away from the trigger. Rogue turned to face him. "Now if you'll be very kind."

Rogue quickly began to attire him with his personal belongings. Remy smiled arrogantly at Scott and Eric. Scott rolled his eyes in disgust. "Easy on de goods, cherie," Remy said with a devilish grin and whispered, "don' damage notin' you'll wan' later."

A loud snikt could be heard as Wolverine released his claws and Rogue practically growled, "You're despicable," before tightening his belt with so much force that Remy yelped in pain. Belle started laughing in her director's chair.

"Sticks and stones, cherie. I saved yo' life. Ya save mine. We're square." Remy spun Rogue around and pulled her against him once again. "Gentlemen, milady, ya will always remember dis as de day ya almos' captured Captain Remy LeBeau." And here, he pushed Rogue into the crowd, grabbed a rope, released the lever holding the rope steady and went soaring up into the air.

The rope was attached to a cannon and its release caused the cannon to drop like a load of bricks straight down and through the pier. Bobby and Lapin were the closest to the hole and Bobby promptly fell through the hole while Lapin managed to dive our of the way. The rapid drop of the cannon disrupted the balance of the pulley it was attached to sending it wildly out of control and causing it to spin. Remy nervously hoped that Belle hadn't put real ammunition in the soldiers rifles while waiting for his cue to get off his wild ride.

"Now will you shoot him?" Erik asked impatiently.

"Open fire!" Scott stated, grinding his teeth at the thought of following any order given to him by Magneto. The sound of bayonets filled the air.

"Hey!" Remy yelped and swiftly swung onto the next pulley system, not wanting to put the ammunition question to the test.

"On his heels!" Scott ordered. The soldiers uselessly took off after Remy, who had already made his escape by wrapping his irons around a rope and sliding down to the dock. He ran over a bridge, easily dodgin bullet fire and disappeared into the shadows and crowds of the town in the way only a thief can.

Jamie called out, "Take cover, man!" realizing no one else would.

Scott turned to Pietro, "Maximoff, Mr. Remy LeBeau has a dawn appointment with the gallows. I would hate for him to miss it."

Belle shouted, "Cut!" but no one heard her because of a loud thunk. Sabretooth had finally gotten the concrete block out of his mouth and it had landed heavily on the ground, along with all of his teeth and some slobber.

"Like eww," stated Kitty before Lapin came up behind her and leaned over her shoulder to work with her on the editing. Piotr and Lance scowled at them from the sidelines, causing Remy to hurry over and ask them to get everyone's dinner orders. Then he decided to get out of his dripping wet pirate costume and nearly backed into Candra as he headed for the dressing room. She was using her cloaking ability to stay as close to him as possible without him realizing that she was there. Rogue was busy bullying a revived Mystique into telling her whether she had felt a sharp pain or a draining sensation first.

Belle stared lovingly for a moment at the now empty set, then clasped her hands and murmmered, "dat was fantastic," to herself. Everyone within earshot stopped and stared, wondering if she was crazier than her brother. Especially when she leaned down and kissed Mr. Bitey before sauntering over to Lance and Piotr to give them her dinner order.


End file.
